sweet memories

my silence has been due to general busyness. it's too much to explain here what exactly i've been busy doing. but i would imagine that anyone reading this knows what the past year has held for my family and for me. these past months have been full - rich with memories, each one touched by the precious nature of each moment of life. 

as i kissed my daddy for the final time in this life, i was immersed in thankfulness that i was able to be right there -- beside him, beside my mom, beside my sister -- for that moment. the pain has been unbearable at moments, but i can honestly say that there has been a peace carrying me through this past month. the Lord has been near, even in my moments of numbness, questions and fear. He has shown Himself true to His promise that He is near to the brokenhearted. my sweet husband & baby girl have brought comfort and joy into the shadows too. 

i know many that have been praying for us are still praying and for that i am deeply touched and thankful. my family has had the great blessing of togetherness during this season. we appreciate it, as my brother, sister, mother and i all live in different places. my sister will return home with her family in a week's time. michael and i will stay for another month with my mom. i have been amazed at the strength and peace that i have witnessed in my family over these past few months - especially in my father and my mother. we are broken and miss my dad so desperately sometimes, but can still laugh together, hold each other, and pray together. 

now for some photos… i will try to post more, specifically more of people OTHER than vera & my dad, but these were the ones that i was most drawn to, looking through our camera… all were taken by michael...

today i picked up my guitar. it has been a long time since i played it, let alone consistently. due to the amount of baggage we were limited to bringing over here, i had to leave it at my parents' house in florida for the first year and a half that we were in germany.

the thing about this little baby taylor is that it has followed me around since i was in middle school. my dad bought me my guitar after i had been playing for about a year, as a reward and incentive to continue playing. my dad also plays guitar and led worship for various ministries throughout my life. playing music has definitely been a huge bond between us, specifically worship, and especially playing worship together.

i brought it back recently after a visit home... still, i hardly ever have time to play. but i have had a reason recently to make time, and it has been exceedingly refreshing: recording some songs for my dad.

what started out as a little project of a couple of worship songs that michael and i covered just to send my dad something to listen to during hard days has become something i want to continue as long as i am able. he requested one that i had written with a friend, lisa, awhile ago. so i sat down today to do more.

vera loves listening to us sing and play music, thankfully. sometimes she tries to sing along, too :)

needless to say, my fingers are raw.

vera turned five months old yesterday. it seemed like such a big stepping stone, & i know that when she turns six months it will blow my mind.

the greatest change in my life since having a baby is realizing how precious my time is. i have the tendency to fill it with a lot of pointlessness and neglect what is truly important. but now that the limitless amount of "me" time has been stripped from me, i have to make the most of each moment i have to myself. i often choose to still waste it away in front of project runway (which by the way, i don't think that is always a waste of time). 

but instead i want to choose face time (the real kind, not the mac kind) with my daughter over television. to have breakfast with my husband over an hour more of sleep. to wash the dishes instead of spending another twenty minutes on pinterest. 

but this leads me to the point. the most important way to spend my time is the one that is most easily missed in rhythm of my day: my time with the Lord. mostly due to my longing for rest, i will turn on the tv or hop on the computer to shut my brain down. or sleep another half hour in the morning. and i miss out, because though i am physically tired, that is not the rest that my soul is seeking.

i'm not even talking about a "quiet time". i am merely talking about real time with my real Father. talking to Him as i wash the dishes. reading His Word to get to know Him better. experiencing life with Him. He is my soul's rest. and what struck me to write this little rambling of a post was this quote by pastor john piper in desiring God: 

"i know of no other way to triumph over sin long-term 

than to gain a distaste for it because of a superior satisfaction in God... 

God remains gloriously all-satisfying. the human heart remains a ceaseless 

factory of desires. sin remains powerfully and suicidally appealing. 

the battle remains: where will we drink? where will we feast?
...
feast on God." 

life is so much more than entertainment and sleep. i want to feast on life, and more satisfyingly, feast on God.